I'm so depressed. Don't get me wrong, I really am so excited to see all of my family and friends. It's still so weird to me how long it's been. Obviously the longest I've ever gone without seeing you all, and it has been hard, but I am NOT ready to leave this place. I already miss it and I haven't even left. I'm just so not ready to go back yet, I almost wish I was a little homesick so this wouldn't be so hard. I just spent a couple hours wandering around the centro and it really hit me, tears were just flowing out of my eyes, I was praying I didn't see anyone I knew. There are obviously going to be some things I don't miss, the creepy spanish men, the thousands of aches and blisters my feet have to deal with everyday, and other things that I can't even think of right now because all I can think about is all the great things. Walking by the third largest cathedral in the world today, and walking by the rio, and the plaza de toros and the beautiful european buildings just made me realize that I won't be able to do that again for a long time.
The weirdest thing for me I think is leaving the friends I have made behind. Some of my friends that I see almost everyday here, I may never see again in my life. Yes a majority go to Penn State, but when am I going to have enough money to visit them. The group of friends I have made here is indescribable. They are the most fun, interesting, intelligent, and funny people I have ever met in my life. They are all from the mid-west/east coast and are almost completely different from my friends at home. And not in a bad way, or a good way, just different. I know I will never meet people like them again, but I also know that there are certain ones that we will keep in touch for ever. And thank god for facebook. Tonight CIEE is throwing a going away party for us at this beautiful palacio. I think it's free food and drink, and our whole program is going. And then we are going to go out after for a little bit. I can't believe I have to say bye to them. I'm just so not ready. It's weird how my emotions have been so bi-polar here. I remember at one point I was so homesick and so annoyed, now I can't even remember why.
Another thing I was thinking about is how this was honestly the best/hardest experience I have ever been through in my life, and I can't get over how lucky I am that I got to do it. It was the best experience for obvious reasons, who wouldn't want to live and travel in Europe for 4 months, learn another language, and make some of the best friends anyone could ask for. And it was the hardest for multiple reasons. For one, the language barrier, but thankfully my spanish has obviously improved. Second, coming here not knowing ANYONE. Yes, one of my best friends came but through a different program so I wasn't worried, but little did I know I would never see her. I had to find people that I fit in with right away and just be as open and friendly as possible to everyone. Obviously first impressions are important. And somehow I ended up meeting Alicia, who amazingly had bbm and lived a block away from me in the neighborhood that literally only 5 of us live in. Can you say fate? She will by far be the hardest to say goodbye to. Third, living here has made me realize how spoiled I've been my entire life, but I never would have thought it was considered spoiled before coming here. In the beginning it was FREEZING cold and I couldn't even sleep, and I could only leave on my heater for like an hour. I had to be really careful about electricity and my shower is only 4 ish minutes long with hot water! All these little things made me realize how good I have it back home. It was just such a huge adjustment for me here, but I got through it and now I feel like I can do anything. I can't even explain how much I feel like I have grown up here. (Sorry this is SO cheesy and lame.) Then the food is a whole other story. Thank god my señora cooked super healthy and really delicious food, but honestly it's so repetitive, like we had the same dishes every week. And once it started getting hot here, coming home to only hot meals wasn't the most refreshing thing. But it was just another thing that made me realize how much I've adjusted to. And I hope it doesn't seem like I'm complaining because really I'm so thankful that all of these things happened. It's exactly what I wanted to happen here, I think I needed to grow up a little and actually be challenged.
The worst thing about being here was the money situation. I know I put my dad through hell every time I had to send him a stupid email asking for more money. I never thought I would have to ask for as much as I did and I have no idea how I will ever thank/repay my family. It was just annoying how the dollar is so bad here, and a lot of the money was being spent on taxi rides and going out so I hated having to ask money for that...but at the same time I think it's understandable that I'm not going to just stay inside at night, and cabs were the only safe way home. Yes I did a little shopping : ) but nothing compared to other people! I bought my señora a flower plant on my way home a few minutes ago, I just gave them to her and she loved them. I actually will miss her a lot.
Sorry this was such a depressing post. I swear I am so excited to see you guys!! And I'll try not to be a brat and complain about how bored I am at home, because it really will be amazing to be home and in America and being able to see all of you guys anytime I want. But leaving this place is going to be the hardest thing in the world. Love you all and see you so soon!
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